Blind Spots in Parenting

Blind spots – obscurations in our field of vision, areas in our vision that prevent us from having a complete picture of what is going on. We all have blind spots, both physical and other. Of course in this context I’m writing of the “others.” We have them in nearly every area of our lives. What is amazing and ironic is how we so easily recognize the blind spots in others and yet look right in the mirror and are somehow unable to see so many of those same deficiencies staring right back at us. Several relationships, circumstances, sermons, and conversations recently have in my life brought to the forefront the issue of blind spots. Some have come to light as a result of my own personal blunders. As a leader who is trying to grow in his leadership, I have observed how leaders often have blind spots and how those blind spots can affect a leader’s effectiveness and legacy. We have blind spots in our relationships that can give us inaccurate perceptions about the status of those relationships. We have them in our spiritual lives as well. During his earthly ministry, Jesus was constantly revealing to people their blind spots. Sometimes he asked pointed questions. Other times he gave commands. In Mark 10, a man came to Jesus asking about what he must do to inherit eternal life. Jesus presented a list of commandments to which the man replied that he had kept them all. Then Jesus helped him to see his blind spot with the command to sell everything he owned. “At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad.” In Matthew 23, Jesus confronted the Pharisees in order to help them see the blind spots of their own hearts and attitudes. “You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.” Another area of our lives in which we have blind spots is in parenting, and it is this area I want to address briefly. So much of our parenting is driven by our experiences being parented by our parents. We often remember and focus on what in our minds was the worst aspect of how our parents related to us and then over compensate by emphasizing the opposite. In doing so, we often expose ourselves to blind spots in other areas. We also, even in the church, fall in line with the stream of influence of the popular parenting trends in the culture. While all truth is God’s truth and there are helpful parenting lessons we can learn from social science fields, we must always filter such guidance through the ultimate parenting guide of God’s Word. For He is the one who established the family in the beginning. Just as blind spots in a vehicle may lead to an accident, so too can blind spots in our parenting lead to struggles and difficulties. Some couples of whom I would say were the best, most godly parents I know have children who have struggled in various ways as those children transitioned into adulthood. None of us is perfect, and parenting brings us face to face with that reality perhaps more so than any other endeavor. So what are we to do? Well, just as we take steps to mitigate our blind spots while driving, we need to take steps to mitigate our parenting blind spots as well. 1) Be aware that you have them. This is the first and perhaps most important step. 2) Stay humble. The recognition that we are prone to have blind spots should drive us to a posture of humility and dependence. Humility will help us to remain teachable. 3) Ask God to reveal those blind spots in your life. Pray as David did that God would search you and know you, that He would test you and know your anxious thoughts. That He would see if there is any offensive way in you. (Psalm 139:23-4 paraphrased) 4) Have brothers or sisters in Christ who are close enough to you to be able to speak truth in love into your life without you getting defensive. They will help you identify and work through your blind spots. 5) Pray – that God’s grace would be sufficient in your weakness, even in parenting. For those who are watching their children struggle, do not lose hope. Seek the Lord. Ask for forgiveness where it is needed. Offer forgiveness when it is sought. Keep faithfully watching for their return just as our heavenly Father is. 1) Find rest in God’s sovereignty and grace. God sovereignly placed your children in your care. 2) Remember that your children belong to God, not to you. 3) Do not let the enemy place an undue burden of responsibility on you. Remember that the only perfect parent id our Heavenly Father. 4) Pray for your children. Pray fervently. Pray consistently. Pray. 5) Recognize than almost every child who comes to faith at a young age will go through a period where their faith is tested. They must own their faith as their own and not the faith of their parents. Be encouraged. Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Parenting forces us to deal with sin – ours and others’, and to do so in a relationship with those we love the most. Be reminded that God as our heavenly Father, our perfect Father, hurts at times watching us struggle as well. But He wants us to succeed in growing as his children and in raising our children to follow him.