My Family Win
Previously I have addressed being intentional in our marriages and families. In order to be intentional, we must consider what the desired outcome should be (our “win”) and then develop a plan to get there. Last time I defined my “win” in my marriage. The order here is significant. Dad, if you demonstrate to your sons how they should love their wives and to your daughters how they should be loved by their husbands, then you are already halfway there!
The question now turns to “what do I want my children to be like when they are adults?” I begin with some overarching thoughts. They should know Jesus as Savior and follow Him as Lord. More specifically, I want my children to have been transformed through the gospel, be continuing in the transformation process through walking with Him daily, while serving Him and his church in accordance with their gifts and talents. I want my children to be spiritual leaders in every sense of the words.
So what are the keys to victory?
Prayer – praying regularly and specifically for my children.
This accomplishes two things. First, and most importantly, it invokes the power of God on behalf of my children to do and accomplish things that I cannot. Second, praying consistently for my children provides me with a constant reminder of what is important in order to get where we want to go.
I pray through some specific requests for my children regularly. I pray that God would protect them from the evil one, from the influences of this world, and from their own fleshly desires. I pray that God would save them at a young age and that they will follow Him all the days of their lives. I recognize that our children will eventually turn to others for advice, so I pray that God will place godly men and women in their lives who will poor godly wisdom into them. I pray that God is raising up a godly husband and godly wives for my children to marry who will be virgins when they get married and who will love them and never leave them. I pray that God will give them dreams and then give them the courage to pursue those dreams. I pray that God will prevent them from becoming idols to me and that He will give me wisdom to lead and train them.
Family worship – singing together, studying God’s Word together, and praying together.
We need to reclaim music from the secular and the professionals. Music is a gift from God that has been a means of expression to and from God throughout history. David was a warrior musician. Jews would sing as they made their way to and from Jerusalem to participate in feasts and festivals. Hymns have been a part of church life from the very beginning of its formation.
We do not have to be professional musicians to enjoy singing and the benefits of singing as an act of worship. I fear that the performance-driven musical worship in many churches has inadvertently led people to believe that music is for the select few who are especially talented in this art. The songs of the faith are a gift to us all.
I want our home to be filled with the music of the kingdom. In his research on the persecuted church, Nik Ripken noted that one of the common practices of those who remained faithful in the face of persecution was singing songs in their heart language. Music is powerful. It provides a means of connecting our hearts and minds. Songs can stir our hearts in ways that words alone may not.
The Bible is the authority for our understanding of who God is, how He relates to us, and how he expects us to live. God’s Word is central to our faith. Having a biblical worldview is perhaps the most important thing we can pass on to our children. We demonstrate our belief in the Bible by building our lives around the truth contained in its teachings. If our children only hear the Bible on Sunday morning, they likely will fail to connect what the Bible says with everyday living.
Deuteronomy 6 says clearly that God’s words are to “be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Finally, our children need to know that God answers prayers. We started off years ago praying with our children. I admit that we are still working on being more consistent with this years later. In the beginning our family prayers were general and often did not ask God for specific interventions. Through personal conviction and the challenge of a close friend, we began to get more specific with our requests to God. When my children would ask to pray for someone, I would ask them what specifically they wanted God to do in this situation. We began to make a list and pray through the list looking for God to answer each item.
We are still growing in the discipline of family prayer. We are trying to keep a journal of answered prayers so that we can reflect on God’s sovereignty and provision in our lives. One of the greatest challenges I have now is to help our children see that prayer is about more than just petitioning God with a list of our desires. Our prayers should be filled with praise, adoration, and thanksgiving to God as well.
Basic Principles – a select set of biblical principles to guide our children and help them grow in the culture in which they have been sovereignly placed
During a live video feed chapel service in seminary, I heard a preacher speak about being intentional in raising children. He commented that it was impossible to teach our children everything. Then he posed a question. What are some specific principles do we want our children to know when they leave our house to go off to college or to work? He mentioned five principles he wanted his children to know. I have taken some of his, adapted some, and added others.
1) Love involves a choice.
Love is not an emotion. Neither is it some uncontrollable affection that we “fall into” or “out of.” While love certainly involves emotions, love is much more an act of the will. Otherwise, how could we love those who do not love us? God’s love for us when we were unlovable was much more than a fleeting emotion.
2) Doing what is right is often difficult.
Having courage, especially moral courage, is hard. Generally speaking, books are not written about those who took a hard stand morally. More often movies are made about those who demonstrate great physical courage. I do not want to minimize physical courage. Rather, I want to elevate moral courage and conviction to its proper biblical place.
3) Choices have consequences.
Responsibility is rare in today’s culture. I want my children to make good decisions and own their decisions, good or bad. The entitlement mentality that perpetuates victimization and excuses is good for neither individuals nor society. Great things are not accomplished as the result of a few large decisions. Great accomplishments come as the result of many small daily decisions.
4) Hard work is rewarding.
Another conspicuously absent characteristic today is that of a strong work ethic. So absent is this in today’s culture that having a strong work ethic is perhaps the easiest way to stand out among one’s peers. Work is from God, and we should work as if working for God, whatever we set out to do.
5) Everyone deserves respect.
Our ability to have civil discourse has been lost because as a society we have labeled disagreement with one’s beliefs as hatred of him or her as a person. Everyone is created in God’s image. Therefore, everyone deserves respect as a person, even if we disagree about significant issues.
6) Truth is a person.
Truth is discovered not created. Truth is external not internal. Ultimately truth is found in the person of Jesus Christ. All truth claims are to be verified against the person and work of Jesus.
Admittedly this list is subjective and not comprehensive. I offer it as a starting point for being intentional in developing the character of your children.
How are you praying for your children? Are you leading them in family worship? What are you teaching your children?