Love as Christ Loved

Two weeks ago, I wrote of our need for Jesus in our marriages. Specifically, I wrote of the need for Jesus to give us a new heart. If a husband and wife come together as two sinful individuals pursuing individual “natural” desires, then they will miss experiencing the beauty of marriage as God’s gift to us. However, our need for Jesus does not stop when He gives us a new heart. Men, Jesus is also our example for how we should love and treat our wives.

Before I go any further, I must emphasize the order of here – transformation first, then emulation. Any attempt to follow Jesus’ example without first having been transformed by Jesus would be both futile and frustrating. Jesus has set the bar so high that we cannot reach it in our own power.

Paul wrote a command to husbands in Ephesus that is still the standard for us today – Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25).

Husbands, love your wives. I can see it on your faces. “Wow! Thanks for that earthshattering piece of advice. I had no idea. You mean all I have to do is love my wife?” Well, yes, but let me explain. Stick with me here.

Part of our problem is our understanding of this word love. I don’t want to bog down here, but our concept of love is often flawed at best. Our understanding of love is rooted in an ancient pagan concept of love as a feeling that one has no control over. The focus is on self and how the object of my love makes me feel. If this were in fact the truth, the command to love would be illogical and impossible.

The biblical concept of love is vastly different. Love is an act of the will that involves an intentional choice. The focus is on the object of my love and what I can do that most benefits the one I love. Jesus modeled this kind of love with his disciples on the night before he gave himself to be crucified on the cross. John recorded in chapter thirteen of his gospel that Jesus stripped down to his undergarment, took a towel and a bowl of water, and washed his disciples’ feet. It should be noted that the task Jesus performed was beneath even Jewish slaves. Only Gentile slaves customarily performed such a demeaning task.

Here was God in the flesh performing a task that was reserved for the lowest in society to perform. When he was finished, he told his disciples to follow his example. Now I have never been a big fan of foot-washing ceremonies. Besides being really awkward because this is not the need on our culture that it was in the New Testament culture, in many ways, I think these ceremonies miss the point. We demonstrate our love when we serve others by placing their needs above our desires. Or rather let me take it one step further and say that we demonstrate our love for others when serving them and meeting their needs becomes our desire.

This past Thursday I had the privilege of attending an event where the guest speaker was John Maxwell. Maxwell spoke on living intentionally by daily adding value to the lives of others. He said that every day he values people, thinks of ways to add value to people, looks for ways to add value to people, does things that add value to people, and encourages others to add value to people.

I think his principles are appropriate to help us apply this command to love our wives. Every day serve your wife, think of ways to serve your wife, look for ways to serve your wife, do things that serve your wife, and encourage other husbands to serve their wives.

Husband, follow Jesus’ example in loving your wife.