Is Marriage "Natural"?

Let me just come right out and say it up front – you need Jesus. We all do. While this is true in every aspect of our lives, I would like to focus on our need for Jesus in our marriages. I am constantly confronted with marriages that are failing. Over one weekend recently I spoke with three men whose marriages were in various stages of failure – from separation all the way through final divorce.

There are few things that burden my heart like the news of a marriage that is ending. I will admit that I often struggle to sympathize with people who are going through difficulties. This is not the case when I hear of a husband and wife whose relationship is no longer characterized by love but rather by pain, conflict, and sorrow. My heart immediately breaks and feels the weight of hurt and loss by both parents and children. The struggle for marriage is real, and the all too common solution is to give up.

In a recent interview (warning for men about the usual entertainment page soft porn images), Scarlett Johansson, who recently split up with her second husband, commented on the challenge of working for marriage. “I think the idea of marriage is very romantic; it’s a beautiful idea, and the practice of it can be a very beautiful thing,” said the actress. “I don’t think it’s natural to be a monogamous person. I might be skewered for that, but I think it’s work. It’s a lot of work.”

Many folks in the comments after the article did skewer her for her statement. However, I took her comments to be both insightful and true. I do not know her so I will refrain from assigning to her any particular worldview. But Augustine acknowledged that all truth is God’s truth. Explicit in her statements are two truths that need to be emphasized: 1) marriage is a beautiful thing, and 2) marriage is work. Implicit in her statements are the realities of the nature of God and man.

Marriage is a gift from God. Marriage has its roots in creation and the very first man and woman. Even though Adam walked and talked with God in the garden, God designed Adam to have within him a desire to relate to one who was similar yet complementary to him. He designed Eve be the object and fulfillment of that desire. This is incredible when we pause long enough to consider this. Adam had God in his life, yet God said it was not good for Adam to be alone. And the notion that this was simply about procreation is contradictory to the text of God’s Word.

Marriage is a beautiful thing when it is lived out as the Creator intended. As is so often the case, humankind has taken what God designed for our good and His glory and corrupted it to the point of almost nonrecognition by distorting all of that beauty. The only way we are going to truly appreciate and enjoy the beauty of marriage is by doing so within the boundaries of the one who created marriage to begin with.

This leads us to the second point. Marriage is not something that happens automatically. Why? The answer is one word – sin. Sin entered the world in the context of a marriage. Sin not only changed Adam and Eve individually, sin also changed their relationship as a couple. This is why if any marriage is going to succeed, the issue of sin must be dealt with. Yes, there are non-Christian marriages that stay together for life. However, God intended marriage to be more than just sticking it out until the end. But I digress.

Back to sin – if you take a sinful man and place him living with a sinful woman, one should not expect the outcome to be a marriage that is free of sin. The only solution to the problem of sin is Jesus. Jesus himself said that we all must be born again. He must take our sinful heart of stone and give us a new heart of flesh. This can only happen as we acknowledge His sacrifice on the cross for our sin and believe in His resurrection which demonstrated His ultimate victory over sin and sin’s consequence of death.

So Yes, Scarlett Johansson is correct. Marriage is not automatic or natural. If we give ourselves over to our “natural” tendencies we will always find ourselves far from God’s ideal. Marriage is work. The first work, however, is not ours. The first work must be His work in our hearts. Only then may we set out to work out our salvation within our marriages.